Hell's Little Angel

This will be my best attempt to try and explain what happened to me yesterday. Perhaps it’s karma for all the teachers I KNOW I pestered in my own innocent fashion. I say innocent because I never did anything worse than talking…constantly…and maybe calling Mr. Wilson’s classroom phone to call Bryna or posting a sign pleading “FREE BRYNA” on his window, but he had it coming. You know what I never did? I never stabbed a teacher. That’s right, MJ, the guy who taught at ghetto Saginaw High School and never had a worse problem than having a tardy student walk out because of a supposed “girl problem” GOT STABBED. By who was I assaulted? A 7 year old (Koreans are born already being 1, not like the rest of the world who start at 0) student Louie. I’m sure your all assuming as you read this different scenarios to justify this child for impaling me. So, at this time, I will lay out the context for this act and describe verbatim what occurred at 1:50pm on Monday October the 12th. Louie is an active kid but none would classify him as a delinquent. He avoids this connotation by cunningly being the smartest kid in the room. I’ve experienced first-hand what it is like to be an above average (graciously termed) student yet a complete ass in the classroom. It’s great. People focus on your upside constantly and either enable your bad behavior or crack from your constant annoyance (I again cite Mr. Wilson). Because of the perceived “upside,” which may never pan out (ahem), teachers are reluctant to turn you away from education by punishing you. This is Louie’s life, as I view it in the two weeks I’ve been teaching here (further explanation ahead). There’s your context. And now the setting.
It’s Monday, I’m in a great mood to start y second real week of teaching. Looking at my calendar I’ve been in South Korea for a month come Tuesday, eleven more to go. A quick tabulation and I’m about 8% complete! Talk about a positive jump on the day. I get to work 3 hours early because I enjoy everyone there, I like to get prepared well, and, of course, it has free internet access (So, guess where I’m writing this). My day gets better when I notice one of my favorite people, Ashely Bowen, is logged onto Skype (mj.gerhard CALL ME!). I call her without a second thought and we have a fantastic conversation for 40+ minutes, where I learn the Cowboys won in OT (day’s getting better), before it’s time for me to prepare for classes. Preparing only takes me an hour so my day’s getting better and better with every passing moment. I have so much free time that I head to Dunkin Donuts for my favorite, Honey Fritters! This was the best start of a week that I had since arriving in Seoul (you see where I’m going with this already, huh?).
Time for my first class is at 1:40pm, Math. I follow my general routine, asking all the students, six of them, how they are individually. As a reward system we draw happy faces on the board. My day’s so great I’m drawing elaborate dragons for the boys and princess faces for the girls. Nobody is really out of line and class is going smoothly. We start our work which consists of the kids counting up from certain numbers. All six students are working diligently and are excited to show me their work as they’re completing it. I’m doing the teacher thing of walking around and giving each student glowing praise i.e. “great hand writing, Ella!”, “you’re so smart, Andy!”, etc… I get around to Louis and I see he’s already finished the whole page before any of the others. “GREAT JOB LOUIE! Dang your smart! HIGH FIVE!”
Read that quote again and let it sink in. Think hard about how you would feel after being given that sort of affirmation. Did you accept the high five? If you did, then you are like everyone I have ever offered a high five to…until Louie at 1:50pm on October 12th, 2009.
Pay ATTENTION, because the next few moments are tattooed to my memory. Louie looks at my open palm held in front of him. Louie then looks at the pencil grasped in his hand. You could see the cogs turning in his head. And, like a snake he shot his closed fist, in a stabbing motion, right into my open palm. Then he shot his face up to mine, and grinned.
Who knows me best? What do you think “typical” MJ would do in reaction to such an act against his person? I was taken aback. I suddenly knew what Stalin felt like when Hitler broke their treaty in invaded the Soviet Union. How could such an offer, a high five, not only be refused but ABUSED?!
Well, I’ll tell you what I did: I erased all his damn smiley faces including the dragon damn it. Honestly, I had no words. Lack of words not, from my temper but from shock. How does one ever offer a high five again without fear of reprimand? I then threw my trump card on the table, one more outburst or act of misbehavior and Louie was going to the babies’ classroom- a fate worse than death. I couldn’t help but think, was I Neville Chamberlain offering Czechoslovakia to Adolf Hitler as appeasement for “Peace in our time”? It didn’t take long to find out. I tried to continue class immediately without breaking the awesome rhythm we had going. But it was the blood coming from my palm that was causing distractions now. If you’re bleeding (and yes, gingers do bleed) then the students can’t look at anything else. I went to the teachers’ office to get a band aid which brought attention I didn’t want. The Korean teacher made Louie apologize which made me look/feel impotent. And after great delay and many distractions I tried to resume class. CUE LOUIE, time to disrupt. I asked him and everyone to put their pencil cases away, I never allow them out. Oh wait, Louie needs to get out a new pencil first, and why? Because the flipping lead broke off in my palm, in the precarious center where no manmade band aid can hope to stay. Louie gets his pencil out via chaos: he shakes his pencil bag back and forth violently until all it’s contents splash away, disturbing the brief tranquility I had momentarily established. Chaos breeds more chaos as a pencil hit Andy in the head bringing the total assaults in an hour to two.
Dare I say I relished in fulfilling my promise aforementioned? I will say slight vindication did strike me a I dragged Louie into the Baby Classroom, crying. I don’t mean to say I’m glad I mad him cry but that I was able to establish myself as a person who means what he says. I don’t want to be the teacher that wields empty threats, I strive for consistency: what I always say, I always mean. What ruins it is when enablers get involved and justify the individual’s actions as if they understand the inner psyche of a 7 year old (6 in the U.S.). Nothing sticks in my craw more than when people tell me that what I saw and experienced wasn’t that at all. “Oh, it must have been an accident.” “He’s so smart, and I don’t think he knew what he was doing” (real quote/former disagrees with the later= contradiction). But these people are like me in many ways: naïve, trying to see the best in people despite what is apparent. I’m glad I work with such warm-hearted individuals honestly. They will always try to do what’s best for everyone and in the kindest manner. I just hope we’re truly helping and not hurting students by such actions.
I look forward to Wednesday when I see Louie again. He’s a great kid with a sharp intellect. I could never hold a grudge on him for his actions, he is, after all, 7 years old (6 in the U.S.). If I did, then, in a way, I’d be holding a vendetta on myself because in many ways I was Louie and still am. God knows I'll never offer him a high five again!

Koreans Love Booze

Long time no see. Luckily, this time I have material to write about. First, lets address my writing schedule. Since I work all week long and I don't yet own a computer I have been doing all my writing in PC rooms which means I have to wait till the weekend. This is a good thing and a bad thing. First the bad: it means my readers (what few I have) can get complacent and forget about my blog altogether. But the good part is that I have a week worth of material to put online to insure a better than decent story.
Korean business men get drunk! Here a a few tidbit pieces about my experiences with drunk Koreans this past week.
Story #1
Finally, my knee is feeling a ton better! Monday night was the last night of the Chu Seok holiday and I was beyond the definition of bored. I had read three books in four days and my body was begging for activity. It all began with me juggling the ball in my apartment. See, at this point I had made up my mind that I would wait one more week before I attempted to go play a real game of soccer. Playing with my ball in the small apartment wasn't doing it for me so I decided what the hell, "I'll just go down to the field and juggle the ball there and not actually kick it around. " Well just as playing with the ball in my room led me to playing on the field, playing on the field led me to kicking the ball at the goal. My confidence was growing with every shot. Eventually, an older man, Dae Jwon, asked if I would like to play with him and his friends versus some high schoolers. These were your typical Korean high schoolers, dressed to the height of fashion to play soccer and took to themselves as real high and mighty. Game on I say. In the back of my mind I knew I had to restrain myself from playing all out, had to protect my knee and all.
Competition gets the best of all of us. Those damn high schoolers score two goals immediately and I just wasn't going to allow myself to beaten, not on my first night back playing dammit. I started to step up my game and actually sprint. Perhaps, it was the fact that I wasn't playing all out at first but when I turn "it" on the high schoolers didn't know immediately how to adjust, so the slide tackled me in the box from behind very cheap-like. Penalty Kick time! That was my first goal of three that night. We eventually won 5 to 4 and sent those emo-styled high schoolers packing with our "Kashamnidas" (thank yous) but even that wasn't what left an impression on me. High above the field on one of the many benches surrounding the field was a very drunk man that I can only assume was a war veteran. The ENTIRE time we were there that night, 8pm to 10pm, this man was yelling Korean constantly. Luckily, I don't know Korean because I can only imagine him commenting on the "Ginger American can't play Soccer/Why don't you get some sleeves for that shirt/Who hid my Soju?" A testament to the kindness of Koreans was displayed when after polishing off a bottle of Soju HE WOULD THROW IT DOWN TOWARDS US! It would shatter and go everywhere and then he'd yell at his loudest as everyone stopped and stared for a moment, allowing him a stage to perform. His act was immediately recognized as melodramatic and induced by the Soju and the remnants that laid around the track in his vicinity. This play of his had 4 acts total that night, and 4 shattered bottles of Soju to testify it.
Story #2
This previous Friday night a bunch of us English teachers decided to go out and get some food together and top it all off with drinks. The meal was amazing. I must say that of all the food I've had on different continents nothing compares to what the Koreans offer. If you like meat and spicy food a la Chipotle well Korean food is for you, plus its dirt cheap. After our meal and drinks we had to decide what to do next. Luckily, some of our Korean teachers met up with us, Lucia and Clair (those are their English names, their real one's are much hard to say much less spell). The general consensus was for a Nora Bong aka Karaoke. But, this isn't your normal singing bar that one might imagine. In Korea you pay when you enter and then you get a private room to yourselves with a big screen and loud surround sound plus two microphones. Oddly enough its "technically" illegal to drink in singing rooms but that wouldn't stop this clever ginger. I grab one of my mate's bag and headed to the nearest convenience store to stock up on Cafri Beers (much like Corona) and bottles of Soju. Once, I got back the singing had already commenced. The book of songs to choose was like a phone book of songs from all over the world. I sang Muse- Hysteria, Green Day- Basket Case, 99 Red Balloons, and we all sang a chorus of the Cranberries- Zombie! We were in that room for over two hours and it was time well spent. The highlight of which was Glen's rendition of Electric Six- "Gay Bar" a hilarious song (please check out the link). We probably would have stayed longer had it not been for the fact that our voices were failing miserably, an affliction affecting me even on this Sunday.
After the Nora Bong (Singing Room) we headed to a nearby convenience store where I bought a pitcher that came with glasses and we all sat outside and enjoyed conversation while watching the drunken businessmen pass by. One would stubble as if his legs were made of rubber. Three other ones were wrestling not 10 feet from us, fully dressed in suits. They accidentally dropped their beers and broke them only to continue wrestling in the trash bags that were stacked up along the street, a truly comedic sight. The best part was when this trio walked over to a moped one of them apparently owned. Each took his turn trying to drive it. One almost parked it INSIDE the convenience store. They would throttle up and immediately realize their eyes couldn't keep up and would lock the brakes creating a jerky forward and stopping motion. So funny, all of us were crying or at least me. At last, one got on the moped and sped away swerving the entire way down the sidewalk. Their night had come to a close and ours was quickly approaching it. We finished the pitcher and walked home together chatting in pairs. I finished the night standing outside alone smoking one of my cigars. Koreans party on a whole 'nother level, yall.

This PC Bang won't allow me to load pictures, I promise to post them soon. I have some of the Businessmen!

Holiday=BOREDOM!

Sorry I haven't updated this sucker in awhile but truth be told there's nothing exciting to update. The biggest event of this past week was that I actually started working as an English teacher. I have no idea why people get worked up when starting a new job, especially one of this type. First off, no job I'll have will be as hard as the work in college was. That said, no job will ever be as fun as college neither. I'm pretty much a babysitter of kids now and I keep them busy by chatting with them. My lessons usually consist of me saying things like: "How are you today?" "What is today?" "What is the weather like today?" "What do you see in the picture?" "No, we're not going to play hangman." "Get out your workbooks and start on page ..." "Who knows the answer to ..." "So everyone is done? I guess we'll play hangman."
That's my routine so far. I'm only in each class for 40 minutes so it's not as if it's overbearing and the kids are still learning English because I'm not speaking Korean with them. In fact, the most fun classes are the ones where we all just sit and chat instead of following the same boring routine of listen, repeat, now you do it on your own. Kids here are remarkably smart and pick up on things super easy. They can read and write much better than they can speak English so the workbooks are done as soon as they're assigned. Their parents ride them worst then anything close to parents in America. As soon as the kids leave public school, they come to our English school, after that they head to Taekwondo, Robotics, Music lessons etc... Most get homework from each school and don't get home till 11pm!!! Then they get up with the Sun and they're back to the same routine.
Meanwhile, your narrator and lazy American compatriot is spending the Chuseok holiday reading in his new place and going to PC Bangs (Internet rooms) and keeping up with World affairs. Chuseok is the equivalent of Thanksgiving in America and its completely boring. Why? Everything is shut down for 3-4 DAYS! For someone who just got to Korea and doesn't have much to do anyways, limiting my options doesn't motivate me to look hard. My reaction- become a hermit. I've finished two books in four days; it's amazing what one can accomplish without TV or computer access. Someone save me, because all I want to do is go back to work!?!