GIRL GONE WILD!

DISCLAIMER: All characters and events in this story—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. The following story contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone

I going to tell you how it is and how it went exactly. I'll start from the beginning...

A long time ago in a country far away an immigrant met a local girl. Immediately the two became enamored with each other. They spent weekends and as many evenings together as they could, enjoying youthful romance as they shared meals and conversations. The relationship blossomed. They got to know each other's families and friends. They shared birthdays, holidays, Valentine and a New Year together sure that their relationship was a good thing.

As time crawled the sweet embrace turned icy as the warmth of Spring arrived. Arguments became more frequent, and along with those altercations misunderstandings and miscommunication damaged the relationship more. Soon what was once blossoming was now wilting and an end seemed very near...

Monday, April 12, 2010:

Sarah texts me asking me to come to Sungshin University at 9:30pm to ride back to Cheolsan with her. I tell her I have go to Muy Thai on week nights and I'll come over to her house after. Another argument ensues where loyalty and concern are questioned. She tells me that a boy who took her to the subway would make a better boyfriend than me and she regrets meeting me. My exact response: "No more regrets. He's your new boyfriend. We're over."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010:

Sarah calls after Muay Thai and tries to apologize for her behavior without actually using the coveted words "I'm sorry" (in Korean or English). I tell her that we may get back together someday but that I need to know that she won't get in monumental fights with me over little problems i.e. making a mountain out of a mole hill. We agree to be friends and start over.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010: THE CRAZINESS SURFACES!

I know those last few paragraphs couldn't of been easy to read through. I mean, who wants to read about drama and a lousy breakup, right? Well, this next part is about pure craziness in it's truest meaning of the word. I at no point will exaggerate as it will not be needed. Everything I say ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

After work Clair, my Korean co-worker, and I walk to the Bobostil where I and the other foreign teachers live. We were heading there to have a dinner that would surprise both of us, in the good way. Glen had decided to cook us a Mondu dinner complete with side dishes of fried rice mixed with bacon, broccoli, onions and some purple stuff. It was truly delectable. The meal conversation revolved in every which direction as we touched base on all the things we could talk about in such a mixed group of friends. We arrived at the topic of my recent break up with Sarah and I made the eerie remark, the kind in movies accompanied with lighting, that I was worried Sarah would show up at my place that night.

Dinner, and the conversation, ended together and we decided to head our separate ways. I walked up to my room and started working on downloading all sorts of shows onto my new external hard drive. DING DONG!

Before I walked to the door, I knew who was on the other side. It wasn't the kind of surprise like Glen's dinner, it was Sarah. I could tell immediately that she had dressed up for the occasion. She was wearing a new outfit I hadn't seen before which was a very rare thing. She usually had the same routine as me of rotating a few outfits but this time was different.

I asked why she was there and she said that she had forgot some papers in my place. I knew immediately that this was a lie but I did have all of her stuff gathered in a bag to give back to her, so I invited her in. Recall that I want her to understand that I'm not a jerk but am willing to try to be friends with her still. Let's look at the facts: since I've been in Korea I haven't spent more time or been more intimate with anyone else! You could say that she was my best friend in Korea, although I wouldn't.

She came in and did a quick scan of the apartment knowing full well that she didn't lose any papers there. But, I did the chivalrous act and asked her to sit so we could talk for awhile. We talked about old friends and joked around for awhile. Nothing really eventful happened and as of this point I had no suspicions of who I was really dealing with: a nutcase ex.

The conversation turned when I noticed the clock was nearing midnight. The last bus leaves at midnight. I suggest that she get ready so she doesn't have to walk or take a taxi home. I offer to walk her down to the bus. She ignores my comment all together and just stares down at her phone. I continue to subtly suggest that she should leave so she doesn't have to deal with the inconvenience of missing the last bus. Then she said what I had a feeling she would say. She suggested, not asked, that she would spend the night!

I immediately said, with my stern face, that her staying over was out of the question. I did that so she would understand that I'm not leading her on and I'm not the kind of guy to take advantage of a situation such as that. She asks why. Because we're not dating anymore I reply. But we're still friends, she insists, and friends can spend the night together. The conversation revolved this way for too long until it was past the time of the last bus. Diplomacy was deteriorating at this stage of the night as my fatigued set in more heavily.

I informed her that she needed to leave and that because she wasn't acting mature that she could forget about me walking her home or even out to a taxi because friends don't treat each other that way. Then like a switch, she transformed into something I've never seen in her ever. She became a lunatic.

She said that she WAS going to sleep there. In her head there was no other option. She was determined to stay there with me. She didn't understand that she was destroying her chances of us ever getting back together let alone staying friends. As time moved on and she became more crazy I steadily became more stern. I informed her that I did not want her in my house (such a gracious term for a one room place that is a bedroom, kitchen, laundry, and living room all in one) and that she had to leave.

"No, I will stay because you want me to leave. You leave." Those were her exact words. You can imagine my anger at hearing someone telling me to get out of MY place. I felt like I was dealing with one of my delinquent students that rebels for the sake of rebellion. Well, my response was along the lines of, "You're f**cking mad if you think I'm going to leave my own place."

At this point, she started making demands like a terrorist holding hostages. Her hostage: my solitude and peace of mind. I couldn't get over the fact that this person who wouldn't respect my wishes wanted ME to do things for her. She wanted me to delete all of her pictures. I don't even understand why she would want that. I mean, am I going to brood over them later? I said ok, willing to appease her in the hopes that she would leave. I deleted the pictures knowing full well that I had copies on my brand new external hard drive that I mentioned earlier. After this, she still refused to leave with an increased sense of resistance.

I grabbed all of her belongings and set them in the hallway. This had no effect on her, she simple didn't care. My mind started to race as I contemplated what I would do if I was in the U.S. I WOULD CALL THE POLICE!
I told her that if she didn't leave then I was going to call the police. Then, if I had any doubt that she was crazy before, she said something that confirmed it even under medical standards. She said, "If you call the police I'll tell them you hit me"!!! Oh, God. "What am I dealing with here?" I thought to myself. I called my good friend Clair and told her to call the police for me. She informed me that it was a bad idea since it'd be my word against a Korean's with Korean police officers. At this point while I'm on the phone Sarah starts hitting me with things in my room. While I'm on the phone, and Clair can attest to this, I'm telling her not to touch me.

As I hang up the phone, Sarah, who must of assumed that the police were coming, made a dash for the door. But on her way she grabbed something off my table. I caught her at the door and asked her what she took and she started telling me not to touch her. With brute strength, I spun her body a 180 degrees and peered into her purse to see my wallet tucked inside.

This is the point of no return.

I lost it. I grabbed all her shit and tossed it down the hall. "You try to rob me in my own place!" I went to grab her but she grasped onto anything she could in my apartment knocking dishes and the trash all over the place. I carried her out with great trouble and she had the strength that only the insane possess. I've felt this girls muscles for months and there's nothing to them, very J-ello-ie, but suddenly she had this Heracles strength. However, my anger strength trumps her crazy powers, as many of you can attest to. I carried her out, all the while she's screaming and trying to push her way back in. I have to hold her off with my gigantic butt as I finish throwing her things out of the door way. She's scratching me all over. I decided to lean on her against the wall ala Randy Couture so as to drain her of energy from holding me up. Then with a rapid movement I pushed her down the hallway and I ran back to my room, closing the door just before she grabbed it! Immediately she tries to key herself in! I'm filled with fear that maybe she had memorized my door code.

Lucky she hadn't. She wasn't done though. I had kicked her out around 12:30am. From then till 2:30am she rang my doorbell, until I unhooked it, and tried to kick down my door. All the while yelling and trying to rip my door handle off. What did I do? I recorded it with my camera then put my headphones on an relaxed knowing that she was outside and no matter how much noise she was making, eventually, I'd never have to hear her again.

It's safe to say that I'm through experimenting with relationships for awhile!